Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I am Pretty Sure Chris is Not a Serial Killer

When it comes to tv relationships I fall hard and fast.  I have sacrificed a lot to my love for shows like LOST and Arrested Development.  The same cannot be said about romantic relationships.  It took Chris and I at least six months of "talking" or dating" or whatever before we would use the terms "boyfriend" and "girlfriend".  But tv, now that is a different story. 

I was really bored on Sunday and I was mildly hungover from too many mojitos at Paladar and there was nothing on television.  I had already been dragged out of bed at 8am to spend $24 to see infomercial booths at the world's worst home and garden show in Euclid.  Seriously if you are considering going, DON'T.  DO. NOT.  I cannot stress this enough.  There was however this great Peruvian musical ensemble playing that was by far the highlight of the show.  So if you decide to ignore my advice, follow the sounds of the bamboo flute and if you can watch that performance with a straight face you are a better person than I.   

Anyways, I shouldn't say there was nothing to watch on television because I did watch this great SyFy movie called Ice Spiders.  At first I thought it was going to be a discovery channel type thing about spiders in the arctic.  And then I checked the info and found out it was actually a movie about a lab in Utah where giant mutated spiders have escaped and are now terrorizing an Olympic ski team training at a nearby ski resort starring that one dude from Melrose Place and someone named Vanessa Willaims that is not who you think it is. Those spiders were big and nasty and were tearing everybody up.  There was a snow mobile chase, god-awful dialogue and lots of blood.  I watched about an hour of it cuz it was just too campy to change the channel and if you stumble across it, I would say it is worth a bit of your time (UNlike that Home and Garden Show - RIP OFF).  Come to think of it, I am curious how the movie ends.  I'm sure somehow the Olympic skiers figured out how to take those spiders down, but not before their coach lost his bottom half to a giant spider.   Words don't do justice: 

Fighting a spider with a ski pole

Starring "Vanessa Williams"

One of the spiders reeling in his prey

That was a long way to say that on Sunday I started watching Dexter Season 1 on netflix on-line and I have watched the first seven episodes in the last two days.  That is a lot of time watching tv about serial killers.  Like seriously way too much time thinking about murder scenes and blood spatter.  And every time Chris lures me into the kitchen to see what he has accomplished, I get a little nervous cuz the room is covered in plastic like one of Dexter's murder scenes.  I took Olive in with me to protect me in case Chris made any sudden moves.  But, I am pretty sure he is not actually a serial killer.  He doesn't display too many Dexter-isms and he doesn't work in a lab where they mutate spiders.  So that's good news!  Glad I've ruled that out after three years. 

If anyone in this house is trying to kill me, it is definitely Olive.  She follows me around everywhere like a total stalker.  She hides around corners and when I walk by she takes a flying leap attack at my leg.   And last night she stared me down, and as stealthily as she could, while maintaining complete eye contact, very slowly crept towards me and then pounced.  I was laughing hysterically, but was also a little creeped out. I'm definitely being hunted by someone.


mcm.hannah said...

I would watch out for Olive if I were you. She sounds sneaky.

Anonymous said...


Friends said...

I am very interested in Ice Spiders. Sounds perfectly fantastic!